I woke up at my girls apartment. I took the job offer for the lesser paying nonprofit job, which is probably more rewarding.
I’ve been struggling with a deep emotional divide. I was thinking while eating roast beef, wrapped in pepperoni. I realized an internal conflict that comes from my primal nature. Living out in the woods I’ve thought about what it would be like to stay out in the woods and live off the land. There’s only one way I think this could be accomplished and that would be through hunting. I hate the idea of killing animals, killing anything for that matter, besides bugs that bite. What I realized today is that I am a killer. All human beings are natural born killers. Nature gave us enough empathy and compassion to love life and nature but a hunger for meat overwhelming enough to force us into being killers. That killer instinct is what propels us in life to make so many accomplishments and chase down our goals with reckless abandon.
What I’ve seen in homelessness is there are people that are homeless that are hunters and those that are just survivors. A lot of drug addicts, sex offenders, or I’d even say alcoholics are hunters. They fight day in and day out to get the resources needed to feed their hunger. Some people don’t have that killer instinct, maybe because it got filtered out by constant let downs and failure, and they don’t have what it takes to survive in society anymore.In our society, without outlets to express our animalistic nature, our killer instincts, these instincts get subjugated and they come out in more heinous ways. School shootings, domestic abuse, rape, addictive behavior, suicide, depression, boardom, hatred, sexual deviancy……..
I spent the whole day at my girlfriend’s apartment. I did spend some time looking for an apartment or a room to rent near the city since I had taken the job. I saw one I liked, it was in Spanish and when I looked at the translation I realized that I did not qualify. I had to keep looking. My Girlfriend went and got her son and we spent the afternoon together. Really not much happened today.
