I woke up in the tent around 7:30 a.m. I didn’t actually begin to function till around 8:00 a.m. I took my caffeine pill and I started to rummage about and eat some food. This on and off with this terrible girlfriend / ex-girlfriend of mine is excruciating. I think at her core she is really terrible. And it’s best that I probably stay away from her. Perhaps she’ll find somebody else and then karma can take its course. I am very strong, intelligent, and resourceful. She has thrived during the time that she’s been with me. I doubt that she will ever find success on her own. And whoever she lures into her clutches, If they are not equipped to deal with her psychotic ways, then there’s a good chance they will both spiral out into chaos.
Laying here on my air mattress in the tent out in my secluded camp I have time to reflect and time to heal. I don’t think I can ever go back to suffering. Although I will say, It’s always a period of bliss followed by mayhem. This gives me time to work on writing and get caught up on my project.
While sitting in my tent eating almonds trying to figure out when I’m going to go to the supermarket, I began watching the bugs crawling on the mesh of my tent underneath the tarp. I began to think about how a bug’s life is focused on eating, mating, and finding a secure place to be protected from predators and the elements. Bugs are adapted to nature, they’re adapted to living outside. They know how to find everything they need to survive the span of their life. Bugs, like humans, avoid suffering.
Human beings are no longer adapted to nature. A Human being that is homeless may be able to get food, but if they’re sleeping outside, especially without a tent or other adequate equipment, they are subjected to discomfort and suffering. They’re worse off than a bug. They are not even provided with the essentials of life such as security, safety, comfort, and protection.
It’s almost 5:00 p.m. I’ve been laying in this tent all day. I’ve talked to a few friends. Regardless, the anger and depression that is inside of me is overwhelming. I know that it’s temporary. And I know that my loneliness and fear is only a symptom for my bad choices in a relationship. I can understand the depression, and the hopelessness that a person who is homeless feels. It feels like there’s nothing I can do but suffer. I’m familiar with such pain. I know I will overcome it. But at the moment it is crushing.
I drove to Market Basket and I got a sub, Cool ranch Doritos, cheesecake, blueberry strawberry and kiwi fruit cup. I got some brown cow yogurt, and I got some lobster rolls and I got some Reese’s cups. Enough food to last me another day or two. I also stopped at the store and I got a six pack of cherry wheat Sam Adams.
I drove back to my camp. I had some food and four beers and watched the show Billions on my phone until I fell asleep.