I woke up at my girlfriend’s apartment around 8:30 a.m. She and I spend some time talking about our issues. My struggle is when she goes into a rage and starts attacking me. Saying nasty things to me, sending me hundreds of messages, yelling at me, and leaving nasty voicemails. I struggle with this. I’ve come to realize that it’s temporary and she doesn’t mean the things that she says. But it makes my life uncomfortable, it makes me feel unstable. I explained to her the fear I have in our relationship. I find it impossible to ever live with her because my life will constantly be in turmoil. She feels that she doesn’t trust me and that I have done reprehensible things in the past. We came to an agreement that she will not say nasty things to me, send me hundreds of text messages, yell at me, or leave nasty voicemails. What she asks of me is not to trigger her. I don’t know what that entails? Considering that she’s triggered by things that happened in the past and I have no control over.
At around 10:30 a.m. My girlfriend and I left the apartment. She drove to a work appointment. I went to Hyde Park for their open streets, an event where they close down the streets and bring in a hundred or more vendors, and people can just walk around the streets. One of the vendors is Everyday Boston. This is a non-profit that I support. Their mission is to build connectivity amongst people throughout the city. They do this by having conversation stations where people can come by and tell a story or have a conversation with one of Everyday Boston members.
Before I got to Hyde Park Open Streets I stopped at McDonald’s. When I went in to order my food there was a young Haitian kid at the counter. I ordered two breakfast sandwiches, two hash browns, and a latte. It seemed like it was this kid’s first day and he was having trouble taking my order. I felt really bad for him. He asked some of the other workers to help him but they seemed too busy to care. He would lean towards me whisper and ask what my order was again. This went on for a few minutes. Finally he said I don’t know how to order the coffee. I said, listen don’t even worry about it just give me whatever else I asked for. There was a woman in line behind me and she witnessed this. I think she felt bad for the kid too, because he had trouble with her order as well, but she was very patient with him.
While I was standing waiting for my food to come out an Asian woman came in and ordered a coffee. She spoke very loudly. Then she sat down. She began yelling belligerently. Both in English and in her native tongue. People were looking at her. I felt really bad. I wondered if she had Tourette’s or possibly schizophrenia. When my order came out I sat down at a table across from her. I looked at her and I said hello. She said hello back. She continued to yell belligerently, and all the customers and the workers were shooting her strange looks. I felt extremely sorry for this woman. After I ate my food and I was getting ready to leave I walked up to her and I said, have a nice day. She looked at me and she said, thank you, you have a good day too. I could tell that she really appreciated this interaction.
All the people in McDonalds demeanor changed once I interacted with this woman who they perceived as belligerent and crazy. The kind pleasantries exchanged between her and I softened the mood and brought understanding to their hearts.
This world is filled with suffering. Many of us walk around uncomfortable in our own skin not even understanding that we are all connected to the larger scheme of both luxury and comfort as well as pain and suffering. We are all selfish on some level, and I think at certain times in our lives we get glimpses of the larger picture.
If anything has ever been worthwhile in my life, I can say it has been relieving some of the overwhelming suffering that exists in this world.
I think one of the points to take from this story is the factor of understanding. I could tell that something was affecting this woman. My guess is Tourette’s or schizophrenia. Understanding this, I thought to myself that she might not have control of her behavior. All the other people in McDonald’s didn’t understand what was going on. I treated her with kindness because I understood. I believe my assessment was accurate because when I engaged with her she was very sweet. I can only imagine what kind of world she lives in where she has these uncontrollable outbursts in public.
I personally believe that a large portion of the evil in this world is done intentionally by those in power. And then they rely on the expansion of that evil to be done unintentionally by the ignorant.
When I left the McDonald’s I drove over to the open streets at Hyde Park. The center of town was blocked off so I had to find parking and it was a ways off. When I entered the festival I walked around for a while until I finally found the Everyday Boston booth. There were a lot of vendors and it was good to see so many people in a community coming out to enjoy such a happy gathering. I met up with the executive director of Everyday Boston as well as two other members. We hung out and we talked to the people that stopped by our booth. We had conversation prompts on cards displayed on the table. People would stop and some people sat down with us to share a story. I spoke with transgender man in his 50s who told me about his transition to becoming a woman and the struggle he experienced with his daughter and family. I spoke with an art museum curator who told me stories of her past, remembering crossing the Atlantic on a large ocean liner and getting hit by a rogue wave that almost threw her sister into the ocean. I talked a little bit about my own experiences with some of the passerbyers who decided to sit with us and conversate. I talked about some of my struggles with incarceration and my recovery. I really love Everyday Boston, I love people coming together and being able to share with a stranger. There’s so much benefit in that.
I left Hyde Park around 4:30 p.m. I plan on going into Boston on Monday, and I plan on spending the night with my girl tonight. I had to drive all the way to the Northshore to get my camping gear from my camp in Middleton. It was about an hour drive. Once I retrieved the bulk of my gear I drove to my girlfriend’s apartment in Lowell. We go round and round with this Charade. It’s my responsibility not to trigger her, and her responsibility not to send me streams of text messages, say nasty things, yell at me or leave nasty voicemails on my phone. Will it hold up? I hope so. Realistically probably not. Regardless, I’ll take the good and try to work with the bad.