6:00 a.m. I get up early. My girlfriend had trouble sleeping last night. She was very cold. It was about 35° to about 40°. Definitely not exposure weather. It didn’t bother me much, but it was uncomfortable for her. There were also no sweets in the tent that she could eat in the night. She likes to eat sweets at night, she has a very fast metabolism and she burns through sugar easily.
6:30 a.m. I make my way to Market Basket to get some sweets for the girl. I buy maple sugar cookies, Reese’s pieces, and some brownies. And then I make my way back up to the camp. I made a video on my way back up to the camp.
7:30 a.m. My girlfriend devours some of the sweets and then rests in the tent. I hang out around the fire pit and eventually Cryin Mike and Steven wake up. I have them sign consent forms and we do a video.
9:15 a.m. My girlfriend is up and she makes her way out of the tent. I walk her down to her vehicle and she heads off to work. I spend the rest of the morning in the library putting together some of the blogs and also uploading some videos.
11:45 a.m. I walked over to Lifebridge to get my meal. After I ate I walked to my car near Mike’s camp. I drove to Danvers to check on a good friend of mine and see how he’s doing. I can’t find him at his home or at his work. He’s been going through some stuff in life and hasn’t had anyone to support him besides me.
1:30 p.m. I drove out to my girlfriend’s house to spend the night. I stopped at the grocery store to get some rice and vegetables to make a stir fry. We have been having some disputes and it’s been difficult for both of us.
2:30 p.m. I arrived at my girlfriend’s apartment. We started to drive out to play pickleball but the rain starts. I’ve been trying to get her to drive the Honda Pilot I bought her, so she can get used to driving it. My girlfriend and I spent the rest of the night trying to work through some of our difficulties.
HINDSIGHT: 10/22/2025
My girlfriend was very awful to me sometimes. This is what made it difficult for me. It wasn’t all the time. She would question my loyalty, and accuse me of using her and doing terrible things to her in the past. Which were always examples of me saying things she didn’t like, or being insensitive of her feelings. All the while I suspected her of cheating on me, she was cruel and disrespectful to me when she had her episodes. I provided for her, and was loyal to her when our relationship was on official terms. I would always tell myself that she suffered from trauma or was having bipolar episodes. All the nasty and hurtful things she said about me were really true about her. I hoped that she would stop this behavior, I just wanted to be close to her. I’ve done some deep soul searching on why I love people so that will never love me back. What I’ve come up with goes back to the cruel treatment I received from my mother as boy. My mom could be verbally and physically abusive to me, and I always felt like she didn’t like me. In true Freudian fashion, I connected this desire to be loved by my mother, when she was incapable of living me at the time, to a toxic desire to love women who would never be able to love me back. That mixed with my fear of commitment, because it is easier to walk away from someone I feel I can’t get close to. My mother and I have a wonderful relationship today. We understand and respect each other. As of the time of this writing I have decided to avoid toxic relationships, even if it has the sweet taste of detachment and self gratification stamped all over it.